|“||Ooo, yes. My mooskles are getting bigger, ooh!
Bulk Bogan, Hard Time
Bulk Bogan is a character created by Joel for his Hard Time save file. He's said to be Hulk Hogan's distant cousin, and implied to be both immortal and thousands of years old. Bulk had a twin brother called Bob Bogan, and a son called Brulk Rogan.
The Elder Scrolls: Oblivion
In the beginning, an ancestor of Bogan bearing his name is seen in a prison cell, something all too common for him. The charges for his arrest are up to question, but knowing Bogan, he most likely committed genocide. He's harassed by a dark elf until guards appear, accompanied by Uriel Septim, the ruler of Cyrodiil and its people. At this point, Bogan realizes these are no normal guards; they are the Blades, an elite faction of servants who protect the Emperor. The party remarks that Bulk's cell shouldn't be occupied, and they ask him to step to the back of the wall. Surprisingly, Bogan shows submission and does as they say. From here, Bulk would go on to become a master of the Dark Brotherhood guild of assassins and of the Fighter's Guild, become the hero of Kvatch, save the world from the Daedra, and he eventually usurps the throne of Sheogorath and becomes the God of Madness. What happens to Bulk after this has been lost to time.
The You Testament
Not much is concretely known about Bulk Bogan's past. Descended from Oblivion's Bulk Bogan, he first appeared chronologically in the game The You Testament, which implies that he was born around the same time. A Jerusalemite at the ripe age of 69, he came across John the Baptist doing a baptism in the Jordan River and proceeded to both meet and attack Jesus, though Bulk deduced that he might not be the real Jesus, as he was Caucasian. The whole excuse was for Bulk to become the new Jesus. Being Jesus would explain his ability to come back to life on no less than four occasions. After discovering that his punches had no effect, he met Jesus again in the desert and once again attacked him with what he called 'The Blessing of the Nutcrack' as he repeatedly jammed his leg into the alleged Jesus' testicles. Undeterred, he grabbed a nearby pipe and began to pummel Jesus once again. Demonstrating his insanity, he attacked him with a cross and then hugged him, an act which displeased Jesus greatly. Bored and having proved his point of being greater than Jesus, he left and went to explore. Regrettably, he 'died' soon after during a fight in the streets of a nearby town.
Thousands of years passed and Bulk Bogan resurfaced again in Southtown, a small town with more criminals than citizens. With little regard for protocol or niceties, he jumped a fence and entered the city's water reservoir, which he proceeded to urinate into. The local security, dumbfounded, called the police and had Bogan arrested (it is not stated how many police officers died in their attempt to bring Bogan to justice). After a quick trial, he was sentenced to almost two months in Southtown Correctional Facility, a prison located in the town. Immediately upon entering the facility, he tried to use the computer but upon failing he began to stare the guards down, imposing himself firmly. He proceeded to steal a machine gun straight out of a guard's hands and began to murder him, taking advantage of there being no witnesses. He was spotted by the security cameras and, ignoring them completely, went to sit down and watch television. After finishing, he went straight to the exercise yard and managed to machinegun both guards stationed there, but he was overcome and taken to court. Impossibly, further supporting the theory that he did in fact become the new Jesus thousands of years ago, he was completely exonerated by the judge, while the guards received a scolding for not dealing with the situation better, all to the clear happiness of Bulk Bogan.
After being released back into the general population, he acquired a dumbbell and began to pump his muscles nearly all night before falling asleep, waking up and working out some more. He then found a small syringe and began to inject himself with it with little regard for what was inside of it, though it can be presumed to be steroids. After regaining his dumbbell he was threatened by a guard to drop the item or face charges. Bulk, in a display of unfathomable self control, agreed. He then lent the dumbbell to another inmate with glasses, more likely because he was done with it than out of love or respect. He was then waylaid by a guard and claimed to be under arrest for trading dumbbells. This case, despite clear evidence, was once again in favor of Bogan, as he was exonerated of charges once again. Back again into prison, Bulk observed how the other wardens dealt with each other for a while before accepting a bribe from one of them so that he would take the blame over asking for gang membership. Insanely enough, the same man then proceeded to ask if Bogan wanted to join a gang. During a fight with the guards, the same crazy man came up to Bulk and told him that he would accept money to take the blame, the same thing he had asked of Bulk originally. Bulk was so dumbfounded that he accepted. He then went to the exercise yard and was attacked by a friend of the warden that Bulk had killed, while the man that Bulk traded his dumbbell with before agreed to support him. This man would be the only man to earn Bulk's respect and friendship. After a quick fight, Bogan ran to exercise by bench pressing, all the while talking about his amazing 'Mooskles', though he almost worked himself to death. Bogan's friend came up to him and offered to protect him for 40 dollars, to which Bogan agreed.
Bogan observed as his friend began to tackle the entire exercise yard, as he saw everyone as an enemy of Bogan (a hypothetically true deduction), yet he did not last long against their combined efforts. Bulk showed little concern for his death, but he did cross his arms and throw gang signs in his honor while calling out "West Side Oooh". Bogan then went to steal a machine gun from the guard that killed his friend and shot him so many times that the guard lost his arm. The same inmate that attacked Bogan for killing a guard then claimed that this guard was also his friend. He put up a valiant fight but he was no match for Bulk Bogan, and offered him cash so as to leave him alone. Bogan, in a sociopathic display of intelligence, accepted the money and then attacked him anyway. Another inmate that got in the way of the fight also ended up riddled with bullets. With cold blood, Bogan returned to work out surrounded by the bodies of his enemies. He then celebrated by drinking beer and almost dying of alcohol poisoning. The cameras in the exercise yard only saw the bodies and claimed over the loudspeakers that an inmate had died in the yard and that there were no witnesses (since Bulk slew them). It was late and a guard in the main hall asked Bulk rather bluntly to head to bed. Bulk was having none of that and began to pummel and attack the guard until his death, to later go sit and watch TV with the corpse nearby. After getting sleepy, he tried to head back to his cell as if nothing happened, but the guard inside his cell block attacked him while he tried to sleep, his murder rage satiated momentarily. The guard grabbed him and took him to court. Apparently Bulk was too sleepy to attempt to sway the judge in his favor this time, and Bogan was given an extended sentence as well as being charged 100 dollars in damages, all to Bogan's wailing of 'But the Mooskles! THE MOOSKLES'.
Back in prison, he snuck right past the guard that locked him up, taunted him with gang signs, then went to bed. The next day, an inmate came to congratulate him on the successful murders he had commited, and was convinced by Bulk to kiss him. Probably due to this, the same man then taunted Bulk by stating that he could never join his gang. Undeterred, Bogan found a needle and injected himself with steroids once again. He then went to the main hall and smoked a cigarrete both to relax and 'to gain sweet Sancer', which is his spelling of cancer. Curious to try new things, he went to the study hall and attempted to actually learn, but he was far too distracted by the guard next to him, who demonstrated his ability to levitate next to Bulk. He however was completely uncaring (probably because being the new Jesus meant he had the same power but never used it). In a final attempt to get Bulk's attention, the guard offered his protection to Bulk, but he denied, and gained an enemy as a result. Bogan attempted for a second to arrange some files for a bit of cash, but he was still too stupid to try anything. Before leaving to get some lunch and dance for a period of time, the guard, now his sworn mortal enemy, threatened to lie and say that Bulk had commited a crime and would have him arrested unless he flushed out 100 dollars. Bulk was infuriated and tried to fight, but the guard got him in a headlock and brought him before a court, which convicted him wrongly (ironic considering the number of times Bogan escaped former convictions). His rage had accumulated to the point that upon returning to jail he went insane briefly and began to blindly attack everyone in range, even people that praised him for his former murders. The resulting mayhem meant that a general riot occured, with everyone fighting everyone and explosions going off. After a gruesome battle Bogan was eventually overwhelmed and he died in the Prison's stairs while the battle continued around his body.
Further proving that Bulk Bogan was both immortal and could at least feign death, he was invited onto Vinewrestle 2016 as a surprise opponent to fight Grand Dad and enter the tournament himself. After he defeated Grand Dad, he went up against Duane's crazy dance moves. Bulk emerged victorious, and then went on to beat John Cena in an epic battle of the ages.
Bulk Bogan returned to the ring again to face off against Rev in a Hell in a Cell match, with Bulk winning due to Rev forgetting how to even wrestle and literally letting Bulk escape the cage. Later on, Bulk, accompanied by Rev and Luigi, ultimately took back the Vinebelt after defeating a maxed out, cheating Hulk Hogan in the ring.
The Sims 4: Meme House
At some unknown point in time, Bogan was found again in the Sims 4: Meme House, along with DIO from Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, and Garfield from the newspaper comic with the same name. Throughout the time spent in the home, he tended to work out on an exercise machine in the nude, with little regard to who was around. At one point, Garfield went to go make mac and cheese for himself, and ended up catching the house on fire in the process. While Bogan, still in the nude from his previous workout session, went to try and put out the fire, two men unexpectedly entered the home the three men shared, one claimed to be Bill Gates. This did not stop Bogan, as he did succeed in putting out the fire.
Very shortly after, after DIO was arrested for murdering the two sims that entered their home uninvited, and after Bogan himself had called the cops due to DIO's actions, Bogan spotted what appeared to be a clone of himself, dubbed "Liquid Bogan". Wasting no time, he grabbed his gun and shot the alleged clone, killing him instantly, and leaving the corpse in the middle of the sidewalk. Shorty after, Bogan had made the decision to join a gang dubbed "The Thotties", though he later left the gang due to the negative effect it left on his and DIO's relationship. It also seemed, to some degree, to affect his relationship with Garfield as well; when he told Garfield he joined the gang and performed the gang dance, Garfield slapped him.
Later that night, when Bogan was fast asleep, the house was suddenly overrun by the ghosts of people the trio had killed in the past few days. Startled, Garfield shoots one of them, which somehow worked. Bogan awoke to the commotion and immediately called the police, though they could not stop the other two ghosts from slipping in and possessing their beds and bathroom appliances. Bogan, coming face to face with Liquid Bogan's ghost, pulled out a hatchet and shoved it into his skull, which made the ghost bleed for some reason. This happened right in front of the two responding officers, who opened fire on Bogan, and eventually arrested him for attempted morticide. Liquid Bogan, however, survived the assault and proceeded to destroy the rest of the bathroom. Feeling some sudden sense of remorse, however, he stayed to clean up the floor.
In Part 7, Bogan was brutally murdered by his love interest, Madeline Bynum, much to Garfield and DIO's despair. However, DIO quickly persuaded their new neighbor, Yoshikage Kira to use his Stand Killer Queen to rewind time in exchange for the opportunity to admire Bogan's hands (which was Kira's fetish). Time is reset and Bogan lives again, and DIO informs him of his impending death, claiming he read about it on the internet. DIO proceeds to beat Madeline before Bogan stabs her to death. The trio then Fortnite dance over her corpse and return home triumphant.
The Clones of Bogan
Bogan's clones are a recurring element to his incarnations. First appearing in Part 7 of the Oblivion streams, Bogan has been consistently subjected to facing his apparent copies in battle, each time killing them.
The original two clones, Venom Bulk and Liquid Bulk, were created by console command magic, possibly used by the god known as Joel (slightly underwhelming name).
Killed with relative ease by their 'brother', the ancestor of Bulk Bogan, this would not be the last time clones of Bogan would make an appearance.
It is very well possible that Bob Bogan may not be a genuine "brother" of the Hardtime incarnation of Bulk so much as he is yet another clone reincarnated just as Bulk had been. This is compounded that by the fact that the two are largely identical with extremely trivial differences, indicating they share more than a simple blood relation. Whether or not Bob really is a clone of Bogan, and if so whether he would be Venom or Liquid, is unknown.
As expected, with the "reincarnation" of Bulk Bogan in the Sims 4 Meme House streams, Bogan's clones return with him. First appearing is Liquid Bogan, who Bulk quickly guns down in the street. Venom appears some time after but manages to allude death. Despite murdering him, Liquid seems to have a far more amicable relationship with Bulk than in the past, returning in his spirit form to clean Bulk's house and preform other chores. Likewise, Bulk himself is shown taking measures to strengthen the connection Liquid's ghost has to the living world and preventing him from fading away.
Bulk Bogan is an extremely psychotic person with little to no empathy towards others, whether they are historically relevant (like Jesus) or inmates and guards at the Southtown Correctional Facility. He is also completely dedicated to his own body figure and will exercise many times throughout the day (an act which he calls "Pumping the Mooskles"), usually with a dumbbell or by benchpressing. He will sometimes show mercy to others if they turn out to be just as insane as him or if they admire his 'work' (which in Bogan's case is usually a pile of corpses in his room). He is domineering of others and causes natural fear amongst his cellmates, and he is a heavy sleeper. He gets easily annoyed by tiny things such as people staring at him during his sleeping sessions in between workouts or massacres, and will react with wild abandon almost instantly. He might be slightly bipolar, jumping from joy to murderous anger in an instant. He has a degree of egotism demonstrated when he demands that others stare at his "Nipplos" or his "Mooskles". He demonstrates some clear homosexual innuendos due to his pleasure of seeing others work out near him and of snuggling with him in bed or watching him sleep, but due to his insane nature he just as well could end up killing them. In spite of the above, he can maintain a facade of sanity when required, as he will convince others of his innocence despite murdering people with dozens of witnesses spectating his actions (though it could be that the other inmates and guards are simply too afraid of him to speak up against him in court).
Bulk Bogan has an extremely unique speaking ability. He usually speaks by elongating the end of words that finish with the letter 's' (Nipplesssss), and he pronounces letters individually and then connects them to form words (M O O S K L E S). This might be related to his insanity, and he does seem to speak at least somewhat similarly to his distant relative Hulk Hogan when doing promotion work (it is entirely possible that Bulk Bogan along with Bob Bogan saw his relative on television and learned how to speak only by watching him). However unlike Hulk, he is an avid supporter of immunization and affectionately refers both medicinal and performance-enhancing injections as D R O O G.
Bulk Bogan has a few known relatives. The first being his brother Bob Bogan, who speaks the same way yet has slight variations in height, muscle mass, and clothing. Bob also seems to be more psychotic and violent than Bulk, as he murders the entire North block. Bulk's other relative is his son, who is similar in appearance but not as skilled in fighting. The last known relative is Hulk Hogan, who Bulk shares a few similarities with.
Bulk Bogan is rather tall at 7 feet and, as his namesake implies, is a well grown human male. He has a somewhat empty-eyed stare and is capable of few emotions besides happiness and anger. He is balding with length, very similar to Hulk Hogan in his prime, as well as sporting a small moustache. His arms, legs and pectorals are all well defined thanks to his constant workout sessions. He is also able to handle a variety of small arms and blunt and sharp objects with relative skill, though he does seem to be most skilled with the meat cleaver, which he once used to kill an entire prison block singlehandedly. He almost never wears shirts but he does wear pants of different materials. Usually his face will get caked with blood thanks to the murders he has committed and he will at no point attempt to clean them up. At one point in his past he wore a bra. Despite his abilities with murder weapons, he is shown to be completely idiotic, being unable to read or use a computer. In Oblivion, Bulk seems to have a strange liking to Mojo, the dog in the Fighters Guild outpost/area, exclaiming 'DOGAYYY' when around the pup. His only weakness are mountain lions.
Bulk Bogan is a clear sociopath in this regard, as his main hobby seems to be to relish in the murder of others. He also has a drinking and steroid abuse problem, as he is seen indulging in both activities at regular intervals during his stay in prison, regardless of the actions of the prison guards or inmates there. He has retained some form of mental ability as he will sometimes accept money for items, though the money obtained is almost never used (he might not have any value for money).
The Bogan Theme was only Heard once on Joel's 3rd Hard Time stream. The instrumental is a MIDI of "Push it to the Limit".
Push it the limit
Get the fuck outta of my face,
Or I'll stomp on your test-ti-cles